Monday, March 24, 2014

When it hurts...

I often don't write much when I'm struggling or in pain. It's something that I've aimed to try to change this year.

This past week has been hard for me. My darling cat Dex who has been with me since he was a kitten 13 years ago has gotten sick. 

He's been in the hospital since Saturday. He has kidney dysfunction, and we are unsure of wether he will get better. My thought feel scrambled, I feel unable to cope with worst cases, although I do keep telling myself the best case scenarios. I visited him yesterday so he knew I wasn't abandoning him. 

The love he showed me, the energy he used to tell me he loved me was amazing. He allowed me to hold him like a baby, just like I did when he was a kitty. I rocked him and talked to him, he purred and chatted back to me, all the while waging his tail. 

As I sit waiting to go see him now, I can only hope he's doing a tiny bit better a mere 24 hrs later. I'm in massive pain and it's been taking all I have to hold it together. He has been my one constant in my life, my unprejudiced partner in life for half of the time I've spent on this earth. I can only hope that he gets to come home soon, so I can take care of him and love him just a bit longer. 


Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Loving your body

Authors Note: Yes I am aware of what the author of the article was attempting to say, and yes the statement could be taken in many ways. I took a step back and looked at how what she said made me feel, and how it could be interpreted in a different way. Just because she thinks atypical means skinny, doesn't mean that is true, its her perspective. I don't see myself as a typical woman, because I'm not and that is my perspective. I'm not looking for any sort of validation, or really even for you to defend her, I openly say I believe she stands for something good. I'm not high, I'm not stupid and I'm most certainly not uneducated. This is how I felt, and if that bothers you, then thats okay, I'm not freaking out, I'm not blaming anyone for anything, I'm expressing my perspective on a sentence that could be taken in many ways. I'm not entirely interested in you yelling at me or telling me I'm stupid, because I'm aware that I'm not. I write because I want to, I write because something inspired me to write, regardless of what the other author meant to say, I personally have been bashed/bullied for all sorts of things, from being to skinny, to fat, Asian, Caucasian, short and many other things. What I have to say is what I want to say for myself and if you choose to be offended then that is fine, you are not obligated to read what I'm writing.

I want to start this by saying that I love all of the "strong is the new skinny" type of things out there these days, the amount of body positive blogs, the big girls with beautiful curves that so many women wish they had. The courage that so many women now have to go out there and get boudoir shots done, and show off those amazing bodies. The positive outlook on who these women are. I love reading about the girls out there who have learned to love every inch of their body regardless of each imperfection or piece of cellulite.

Thursday, February 13, 2014


The other day someone asked me a question that I found strange, I believe the conversation was around this very blog, about how I used to write so much more and how I let it fade and they said to me

"Why do you write, do you even like it?"

This questions took me surprised, I was so taken aback that I had to take a moment to respond, and when I did my response was simple it was what came without any real thought

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Knee deep in the injury pool

Marathon training can be hard mentally and physically. One of the hardest people often say is the taper, that time between training and that epic goal race that is coming. The few weeks leading up to it that require rest and relaxation so that you can have fresh legs in order to perform your absolute best.

But in training it seems inevitable that one will get hurt or irritate something. Sometimes worse than others. Training hard means putting pressure on your body and pushing it further and further, further that it maybe wants to go.

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Living with Anxiety

My most recent post about SeaWheeze was a really emotional post for me, one that had been sitting in my "drafts" folder for a long time, one that I was having a hard time writing, for some reason's that to many of you were surprising.

The thing I learnt the most from that post was how many of you were surprised that I live my life every day with anxiety. It haunts me and pokes me in the tummy threatening to make its way out, so I've decided with this new courage I have gained from all my amazing friends and family to finally finish this post that has also been sitting in my inbox, for an even longer time....

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